A Key to Long Term Success: Give Yourself Grace

By Valerie Solomon, Busy Mom Gets Fit

So you are in a funk.

You fell off track.

You can’t seem to stick to the plan.

You went on vacation and blew it.

You haven’t been taking the time to do it.

What’s the dialogue going on in your mind about this?

Are you beating yourself up for the decision you made? Are you mean to yourself because you haven’t taken the actions you wish you would take? Did you start then quit and now you label yourself a quitter? 

My best advice to help you truly move forward long term is:

Give yourself grace.

In other words, give yourself a pass.

Grace is defined biblically as a concept of “undeserved kindness”. It is showing compassion and love towards a person even if they might not appreciate it, return the favour, or even deserve it.

Grace is choosing to act positively towards someone who might even hate you, or have done wrong to you.

And when you give yourself grace, it is self compassion, self love, and the kindness you need from the person that matters most.

You are human.

You have a lot on your plate.

Life happens.

It’s absolutely NEVER going to be the case that you stick 100% to a plan you’ve set out for yourself. It’s unreasonable to think you could be perfect. 

Good stuff causes us to need to pause: vacations, birthdays, rest days

Tough stuff causes us to need to pause: injury, illness, taking care of someone, figuring life out for a bit

Just give yourself the space, acceptance and grace to be human.

Take a deep breath.

Reset your goals.

And start again.

How Many Days a Week do You Think About Changing Your Body? ...And 3 Questions to Ask Yourself

By Valerie Solomon, Busy Mom Gets Fit

How many days a week do you think about changing your body?

It’s 7 isn’t it?

Seven days. 365 days a year.

Even when you eat well...

Even when you exercise...

You think there must be something you should do better.

Drink more water.

Eat more protein.

Eat a different protein.

Eat more plants.

Eat less of that. Eat a little more of that.

I’ll be honest with you… I took this picture of myself thinking I’d write a post about loving yourself and your flaws.  I thought I’d get a picture of all of the flaws I’ve been “seeing”. Not clear skin, nappy hair, soft arms, soft belly, dimply butt and thighs. 

Then I looked at the picture and thought….

Damn. What is wrong with me? I look fine! OK! Great! Fit. 

This happens so often with my clients, too. I get a message from them in which they express how they want to change something about their body and their frustrations about where they are physically. 

I’ve learned to ask for a progress picture because, usually, what I will see in the picture is not what they see. I see healthy, strong, fit. 

They see something that needs to change. The same image I love of them, is putting them in a negative state everyday.

So why are we telling ourselves everyday we need to change something?

Why are we creating unnecessary negative energy for ourselves?

Here’s why, I think.

We are driven women in all areas of our lives.

We want to do well in our careers.

We want to improve our relationships.

We want to be great mothers.

We are thinkers, and grinders, and hustlers. We know we’ve got more to give and we want to give it our all. 

But to do better in these areas doesn’t require a negative energy internally like wanting to improve our bodies often does.

Why can’t we approach taking care of our bodies in the same way as being a good mother or friend? ...Just gently trying our best everyday… or just being ok with things as they are most days too?

When I was competing in fitness competitions, pushing my body hard 5-7 days a week, I was in a better headspace about changing my body than I am now. I saw it as a fun project just to see what I could do.

Now, I’m just hard on myself if I feel like I could be doing better. Grinding harder. Making better food choices. There aren’t too many days where I feel like I tried my best. (Is it because we have a past as an athlete? Our standards are high for what we know we are capable of. But is just enjoying a healthy and fit life enough now?)

There are very few days where we are ok with things as they are.

7 Days of wanting change. 365 days a year.

What if, for just one day, we didn’t try to change or think about changing anything.

What if for one day, we were just ENOUGH.

Enough already.

Just imagine what we could do with all of the new positive energy and contentment?

“Focus on what you want your life to look like—not just your body.” ~Sarah Failla

I love this quote, and it brings me to 3 questions to ask yourself:

1. Is your body allowing you the mobility and strength to live the lifestyle you want to live? 

2. Are you strong and healthy?

3. Are you doing things to take care of your body consistently?

If you answered ‘yes’ to these, you are there! It’s in our nature to want to strive for more, but let’s be kind to ourselves and enjoy the healthy bodies that we have along the way.

And let’s be done with the questions:

1. Are you perfectly unattainably unsustainably lean?

2. Do you look like a fitness model perfectly photoshopped, posed well, airbrushed, and dehydrated when you wake up?

3. Are you that weight you were that time 10 years ago when you were your lightest but you were going through that stressful situation, weren’t strength training, and actually weren’t that happy?

I hope the answer is always ‘no’ to these questions, and I hope you can smile at how absurd they are!

If you are struggling with negative body image, check out this free video series to help.

Moving Forward: Not Back to the Pre-Baby Body

ADRIENNE
AGE 34, MAJOR IN ACTIVE DUTY ARMY, MOTHER

After the birth of her first child, Adrienne’s body bounced right back. When she had her daughter 5 years later, she discovered that she wouldn’t have the same experience the second time around.

“I was always into weight lifting, so I was familiar with exercising. However, my body wasn’t where I wanted it to be. I spent a few years on a roller coaster ride of 'on the wagon, off the wagon.' For a few months, I would do well and even lose a few pounds. Eventually, I would plateau and regain whatever I had lost." Adrienne experimented with various programs, hoping one would ultimately be her answer to achieving the “pre-baby body” she desperately sought to regain.

When Adrienne moved to Maryland, she met Valerie Solomon who lived across the street. “I watched her compete, would see her stage photos and think ‘I’d love to do that someday, but I could never look like that’.”

Toward the end of 2016, Adrienne and her husband turned their garage into a home gym, their first step what would end up being a life-transforming year. “I lost 15lbs. I joined Valerie’s Fit Mom Challenge in February 2017. I changed my nutritional plan by incorporating Isagenix products into my lifestyle. It was the jumpstart my body had needed and at this point… I began to seriously explore competing. I had talked about it long enough. Now, I was ready.”

In June, Adrienne started working with Val and online training and began her journey to the stage. In October, Adrienne stepped on stage as a Figure competitor. “I was nervous and it was scary… but it was so fun. Stepping onto stage after this 4-year journey… it didn’t matter the outcome. I was already a winner.”

Along with Coach Val, Adrienne’s biggest fans were right in the audience on competition day: her husband and kids.

“Having a good support system at home is so important. My husband wasn’t competing, yet he still ate how I ate. He was very cognizant and supportive of the process. There’s a video from the competition where you can literally hear the genuine happiness in his voice as he’s cheering me on.”

And it wasn’t just Adrienne’s husband who was so proud of her. “One of my favorite parts of the whole day had to be my 4-year old daughter telling me that she wanted to be strong like me when she gets bigger.”

Originally, Adrienne intended to work with Val only for the duration of competition prep. “After my competition, I decided to continue on as a lifestyle because of the community of women. We have the same goals. It’s also great to have a relationship with your
trainer and have their continuous support, without needing to see them every day.“

Adrienne’s Journey With Online Training Extends Beyond Just Her Physical Transformation.

“I didn’t realize until recently that it wasn’t so much my body that needed to be transformed, but rather my mind. I spent four years so worried about regaining my ‘pre-baby body’; I finally realized that body doesn’t exist anymore. I mean… You carried a human!

I was so tied up in that image of a “pre-baby body” that I didn’t noticed the inner transformation that was happening. Sometimes we are so fixated on changing the outside, we don’t realize how it’s more the internal struggles we’re having that cause us to be unhappy or unsatisfied with ourselves. 

After having my 2nd child, I lacked self-love. I had gained more weight with my second pregnancy, and I became so horrible toward myself. We tell people to be kind to one another... but, we aren’t kind to ourselves.

My body is 10 times better now than before I had kids. And I’m well aware I’ll regain some weight post show… but I am at peace with that. I feel so good on the inside, I’m more equipped to handle what changes on the outside.”

So, what is Adrienne’s advice for women who struggle with trying to regain their pre-baby bodies?

“Never make your goal to get your ‘pre-baby body’ back. Don’t make your goal to be the person you were before you had a baby. You’ll never be that person again. In one of my exercise classes, the instructor tells us, “You’re so much bigger than a smaller pair of pants.” That one sentence equates to my four-year journey. Set new goals. Never say you can’t do something …
because you ABSOLUTELY can.”

Contact Coach Valerie Solomon here to inquire about online training

or

visit this page to learn about Val’s Gals Online Training group.

Teacher, Mom, Fitness Competitor

VALERIE B.
35, TEACHER, MOTHER OF 3

Before Online Training.... Did You Have Any Struggles? What Was Your Life Like?

Through sports and running, I’ve always been quite fit and ate pretty well (thanks to my mom insisting on it!). As I became busier with two kids, I could no longer go to the gym. I found myself a bit lost and bored with my at-home workouts. I had even given up some of my sports, because being away could be so hard when the kids were young. I missed my workout buddies at the gym and my teammates and was struggling to find motivation. 

In 2016, I began working with an online trainer and eventually started working with Valerie Solomon. I was contemplating competing and I knew I absolutely wanted a coach to help me reach such a huge goal! I liked the idea of online coaching because I knew getting to a gym on a regular basis wouldn’t work for me but I knew I needed some guidance.

Today, online coaching still works great for me. I love the convenience and how it works with my busy lifestyle.

How Has Online Training Helped You?

Online training helped me fulfill my goals of competing in two fitness competitions! I never dreamed it was possible, and physically I looked better than I did after three kids than before I had any! I feel so strong and energetic for my job too (teaching gym to kids!). Mentally, the entire process of preparing for these shows could be tough. It stretched me in a lot of ways.

With practice, I became mentally stronger and getting through tough mental situations in all areas of life became easier. Balancing my macros has become a life habit now as well as strength training. Val has helped me train, but also maintain a sustainable way of life staying fit and healthy.

I feel so accomplished and proud for meeting my big goals. Training has benefited me in all areas of life and I reap these benefits daily. My family benefits from healthy meals daily and a happy mom who takes care of herself. 

How Has Online Trainig Brought You Closer To Achieving Your Goals?

It has helped me reach my goals in a way that helped me feel healthy and safe. I know some coaches out there are not as concerned about your overall health as my coach was. It has enhanced my life in many ways. I am so glad I trained with Val and got in contact with other like-minded, strong women!

If You Had One Piece Of Advice For Someone, What Would It Be?  

Always be grateful. If you feel down, do a mental inventory of the good things in life and you will be instantly better. 

Contact Coach Valerie Solomon here to inquire about online training

or

visit this page to learn about Val’s Gals Online Training group.

Building Confidence Through Online Training

By Jocelyn C.

I have been active my entire life. I grew up playing sports, was a state-ranked cross-country runner in high school, and trained with the triathlon team at UCLA. I’d been lifting weights (shoutout to older brother Brandon!) for 14 years prior to working with Val Solomon.

After graduating with my master’s, I moved to San Francisco to work in the tech startup scene. I tried to balance sedentary days by commuting by foot, but overall I wasn’t showing up for myself in the gym like I wanted. I had a weight training program that I’d been doing for years, but found it was easy to start skipping leg day or cut out extra reps and sets. Consequently, the results began to speak for themselves.

I was fed up with not being integrity with myself. Additionally, I was entering a period of life that was busy and I needed workouts that I didn’t have to think about. 

Around the same time, I was considering a figure competition, which is what brought me to Coach Val. 

I begin working with Val through her one on one online training program in October 2018. 

The app was great for tracking workouts and progress. I travel a lot and always prioritize finding a gym, but not having to think about creating workouts reduced decision fatigue. And while I have an active background, I needed a coach who was an expert in body fitness metabolism. I had unintentionally been damaging my metabolism for years, so I needed someone to trust, to ask questions.  For me, that was Val. I remember at one point when she wanted to keep increasing my calories and I couldn’t understand how that was going to help me lean out during a time that I already felt “fluffy.” To my surprise, that’s what my body needed.

Over The Year Of Working With Val, I Realized That My Goal Wasn’t To Compete; I Just Wanted To Be Healthy Happy Fit And Show Up For Myself Daily.

My profession is as a leadership mindset coach, so I consult with organizations and private clients across the globe. In 2019, I never lived in one place for more than two months, and there were times I was moving from place to place every week. Since I traveled so extensively for work, as well as for my own curiosity’s sake, the online platform was perfect.  

After experiencing two bouts of burnout in my life, I learned the hard way that I could only serve others to the extent that I took care of myself.  For me a part of that is listening to what makes my body and heart happiest. Growing up closer to the mountains, I have a love for hiking and backpacking.  When the winter approaches, my body has started to crave warmth and ocean. Dancing salsa, exploring cobblestone streets, and speaking Spanish also fill me with a lot of energy.  Recently I was able to spend two months in Spain, then two in Mexico. In 2020, I’m looking to integrate my learnings from this past year, have more location consistency, and more public-facing teaching.

Any Goals?

In terms of goals... For the first time in years, I am pretty at peace with my body physically, and more importantly, with myself internally. Also, after many years in competitive athletics and, quite frankly, insane training regimens… I don’t force myself to do anything that I don’t want to do. Rather, what I’m finding naturally is that my body wants to be in the sun in the morning for a run or a walk, and then my body wants to lift the gym later in the day. I don’t have to force it anymore; I just do what my body loves for the sake of physical and mental health.  

What Is Something You Live By?

I’ve come to recognize that if I’m not in a good headspace, I cannot be there for others.

No longer forcing my body to do things it doesn’t want to do has helped me to best show up for my own clients, my friends and family. 

Much of my own practice and research has been around motivation. Research shows that change is more sustainable when we do it out of love rather than self-criticism. As a teacher of Mindful Self-Compassion, I recognize that kindness towards self is fierce and an acknowledgment of, “What do I really need in this moment AND long-term?” Once you get on-board with that definition of self-compassion, change comes easily. When you truly have your own best interest at heart, the decision to work out and eat well is. . . no longer a decision.  It just is.

Do You Have Any Advice For Others?

Devote yourself to the process, not the results. Commit to showing up every day and see where that takes you.

The decision to do something good for yourself doesn’t need to come as a New Year’s resolution. Every single day you have the opportunity to turn the page and begin to write a new chapter.  Fill the pages with moments of keeping promises to yourself. That’s how we build confidence and self-trust.

Don’t underestimate the effect of environmental stressors on your physique. Get to the bottom of things that may be raising cortisol levels.  Your eating and training might be on point, but if you hate your work or home life, something’s gotta shift.  

Commit to activities that you love!  I loathe indoor treadmills and ellipticals.  Zumba forever. ;)

Don’t change in order to find yourself more lovable.  Love yourself so fiercely that you’re fueled to make positive change.

A note from Coach Val:

“Jocelyn’s transformation was truly internal. When she came to me, she wanted to change her body. I’m always open to helping people get healthy, strong, and lean, but in Jocelyn’s case, a lot of our conversations were more about self love. I wasn’t sure she could see what I was seeing. She was already strong, gorgeous, and healthy. I’m am so happy Jocelyn has arrived to this strong confident place personally.”